Somewhere More Familiar

2012-02-09T01:02:00.000+08:00

2011-12-30T19:28:00.001+08:00

Never regret something that once made yu smile.

2011-12-04T02:03:00.001+08:00

Filmed this response earlier today before heading out. This video looks kinda washed out because I had to convert it from the movie maker format to my desktop before uploading it onto youtube :( Lesson learnt!

Hope this video answered the question on my Formspring! If yu guys have any comments or questions yu can leave it in the box up there, thanks and good night!

2011-12-02T10:50:00.001+08:00

This right here I swear will end too soon

2011-11-26T02:26:00.001+08:00

I truly believe when your partner breaks up with yu, not a lot of people are truly upset about losing the person they think they love. They are only afraid of losing their routine. When yu lose your routine, and especially when it wasn't yu who made that decision for change, yu then fear not being in control. Most people are just upset over how their lives are going to change.When YU break up with someone, obviously yu will feel in control. And yu will feel yu're the alpha and the omega in the situation. But when SOMEONE breaks up with yu and the situation is reversed, yu'll feel real shitty as if yu've lost your domination in the ordeal. It's human to fear inevitable routine change. But as long as yu're in control of YOURSELF, things are going to be ok. Just remember, everybody fears not being in control.

2011-11-26T02:24:00.001+08:00

Spite; a childish revenge tactic that is employed by useless people every day.

2011-11-24T20:18:00.001+08:00

Don't know what happened at the end of the video but I'm too lazy to figure it out and get it fixed! Thanks for watching though :)

2011-11-18T20:42:00.001+08:00

Maybe I like this roller coaster
Maybe it keeps me high
Maybe the speed it brings me closer
I could sparkle up your eye
Diet mtn dew baby nyc
Can we get it now low, down and gritty
Do yu think we’ll be in love forever?Do yu think we’ll be in love?

2011-11-17T21:05:00.003+08:00

I was out for dinner with a very good friend, we got to talking and this is what I found out and what I would like to share. My friend is a guy, and he has his pick of girls.

Note that I am not speaking about ALL guys who go out drinking.

But SOME guys go to bars for two reasons. Easy drinks and loose women. (loose as in morals, not their bits and pieces.) All guys know that a girl with ten drinks in her is pretty much as easy as the quizzes on the back of cereal box. Probably just slightly easier as yu don't have to actually write or draw to pull some slut. All a guy has to do is just sell themselves as the perfect gentleman. Or, they tell the girls that they are dating someone. Even if they're not. Girls absolufuckinglutely love what they can't have. I would know.

Single girls, please don't try to find love in the wrong places. Yu won't find it in a bar, at a party or anything that is alcohol related - with men around. Bear that in mind while yu're out partying this weekend. It's all just a big game to guys. Who can get the girls number? Who can leave with a girl they met without buying them one drink? Who can get the hottest girl in the bar to blow yu outside in the parking lot?

The worst kind of girls are those who are pretty enough to fuck any man they want but not pretty enough to be selective. Don't fall into that category.

Stay sexy and safe.

2011-11-16T23:31:00.002+08:00

I still love and miss yu. I still wish that things could be different but they’re not. And yu know what? This time, it’s okay. I just hope that one day we can be great friends again – just like the way it started out. In the meantime, I’ll pray for yu and hope for the best for your life. And as for me, I’ll give myself what I deserve. That’s what survivors, warriors, and fighters do. We pick ourselves up and we keep on living.

2011-11-15T21:42:00.003+08:00

I want to be the real thing that actually matters. I wanted to be the one who was different. The one for whom it was more than a crush. The one yu chose in the end. Instead I'm the one who keeps getting my heart broken for the longest time.

And yet I didn't give up on yu because yu're difficult. Your difficultness is one of the things I like best about yu. It's just that I can't do much else. I can continue to try to conquer my fear, be your best friend, gain your respect. In the end, that's all I really wanted, because I respect yu more than anyone, and if yu don't respect me, what does that say about me? But at some point, you have to show me that yu care about me too. I'm done with crying on the way home from days we spend together.

I try to tell myself that it's your loss, and it is. But it's my loss too. I've never believed that I had nothing to lose, because even though I didn't have yu, I truly believed I had our future together. I never wanted to lose that. But I think I have. And yu have too.

I'm the only person who thinks it's hilarious how rude yu are, because I know yu don't mean it. I'm the only person who never, ever gets sick of yu. It's not that I was willing to be a doormat and put up with your crap. It's that I loved all of yu, even the parts everyone else hated, and I could see through them to what yu really are. So I'm sorry I don't have the magical combination of qualities it takes to make a girl worth it to yu. I hope when yu find one who does, she accepts yu as much as I do. Until further notice, I'm here if yu decide to shape up. But I'm done with living my life making you the number-one priority when yu barely even consider me an option.

2011-11-14T19:25:00.002+08:00

God bless the Universe, God bless the ocean
& God bless me - Lana del Rey, Mermaid Motel

2011-11-09T22:24:00.002+08:00

BABE CAN YOU SEE THAT I'M DAAAAAANGER

2011-11-09T22:14:00.000+08:00

Chuck: I'm sorry for losing my temper the night yu told me that louis proposed to you. I'm sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State Building. I'm sorry for treating you like property. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew I did. Most of all, I'm sorry that I gave up on us..and you never did.

Blair: Thank you. I hope never giving up on people isn't gonna be my downfall.

Chuck: Blair, you're gonna be an amazing mother. You're always there for the people you love. Even when they don't deserve it.

Episode 6 broke my heart.

2011-11-08T00:31:00.001+08:00

2011-10-19T22:39:00.001+08:00

If I could turn back the hands of time
I swear I never wanna cross that line
I should have kept it between us but no I went and told the whole world how I feel and oh
So I sit and I realise with these tears falling from my eyes
I gotta change if I wanna keep you forever
Promise that I'm gonna try
But I never meant to hurt you,
I know it's time that I learn to
Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved
This is a lesson learnt and I hate that I let you down
and I feel so bad about it
I guess karma comes back around
cause now I'm the one that's hurting

2011-10-16T12:47:00.001+08:00

But I guess this just serves as a lesson. Never let go of something that means the world to yu. I don't care how scared yu are. I don't care how lazy yu are. I don't care about your pride. Fucking fight for the things that yu love.

2011-10-14T17:54:00.001+08:00

This is the original song from which Lily Allen's contribution to T-Pain's 5'O'clock came from by the way.

2011-10-07T14:59:00.000+08:00

I finally found what I've been looking for! Been scouring around for neutral eyeshadows in matte shades and I have found my baby :') It is Sonia Kashuk's Eye Palette Shadow in 02 Eye on Neutral and it comes with 12 different shades (a mix of various browns and nudes). I played with it today and my favourite parts of the product are the matte finish, the fact that the shades are pigmented, they pack on and blend very nicely and the little drawer on the back that pulls out with detailed instructions on how to achieve three different looks with the shades. So I am really happy with this purchase and I would totally recommend it :)

2011-10-06T16:37:00.000+08:00

We're back from California!

2011-09-27T11:36:00.003+08:00

Yu don't have the slightest clue

2011-09-27T11:36:00.001+08:00

Liar

2011-09-27T11:35:00.002+08:00

I knew this would happen sooner than later

2011-09-27T04:23:00.001+08:00

I am yours I am yours for as long for as long as yu will have me

Your hands around my waist, just let the music play. Hand in hand, chest to chest and now we're face to face

If I'm aching at the thought of yu, what for? That's not me anymore. I'll be alright, just not tonight. But someday.

2011-09-27T04:20:00.001+08:00

Blue Valentine is an AMAZING movie

2011-09-27T04:17:00.002+08:00

You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn't hurt at all.You always take the sweetest rose and crush it till the petals fall.You always break the kindest heart with a hasty word you can't recall.So, if I broke your heart last night..it's because I love you most of all.

2011-09-27T04:10:00.001+08:00

I can't wait to go back to the Arts, I feel that I am happiest there. One last semester and I'll be ready to go back.

2011-09-27T01:00:00.002+08:00

Boy yu got my heartbeat runnin' away
Beatin' likka drum and it's comin' your way

2011-09-26T12:06:00.002+08:00

A few days ago we went to Kohl's and I got my hands on my first ever product from Flirt! Cosmetics. I'm not a gloss kind of girl but I chose Big Flirt Sheer and Shiny Lipgloss because I was actually really just excited about the packaging..the tube is wider than most lipglosses and it is covered in big bold polkadots and it also has a mega tip applicator. I love how the packaging embraces the iconic style of the 1960's where everything was big and sexy. It comes in 8 different shades, both creamy and shimmery. I chose Berry Bombshell which is a sheer dark purple because I don't really like shimmer on my lips and I haven't had a purple lipgloss yet. I wore it out today and I really liked that it was really creamy but not too sticky and that it is scented with something like a vanilla scent. Although they claimed for it to be formulated with jojoba, personally I didn't find it that moisturizing but that's okay because I had my Burt's Bees underneath. It also stayed on pretty well. When I was playing with it the other night I tried on different lipsticks underneath the lipgloss and I loved that I could come up with different shades just because it's sheer. So if I wanted a softer look I'd use a nude or babypink lipstick and if I wanted it darker I'd use a cocoa or fig.

It's selling at Kohl's for $15.50 but I only paid $5.50 because there was a $10 giftcard from my aunt :D

I'm wearing two coats of Berry Bombshell on Nyx Jumbo Lip Pencil in Almond.

2011-09-25T11:53:00.002+08:00

2011-09-24T13:27:00.001+08:00

See I just want you to know that you deserve the best
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
Yeah, and I want you to know
You're far from the usual, far from the usual

2011-09-24T13:02:00.001+08:00

She may be weary
Women do get weary
Wearing the same shabby dress
And when she's weary
Try a little tenderness

She may be waiting
Just anticipating
Things she may never possess
And while she's without them
Try a little tenderness

It's not just sentimental
She has her grief
And her cares
But a word
Soft and gentle
Makes it easier to bear
So much easier to bear

You won't regret it
Women don't forget it
Love's got a whole
A whole happiness
And it's all so easy
Just to try a little tenderness

You've gotta try
You've gotta hold 'er
You've got ta squeeze her
You have to try
You've got ta try
And always please her
You won't regret it
You won't regret it
Oh
Try a little tender-ness

2011-09-23T23:08:00.001+08:00

It's friday, I feel a bit under the weather. Sitting on this unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar room, in a different part of the world.I could go into the past and talk about all my ups and downs, the highs and the seriously low lows. But here, miles away, all of that feels irrelevant now. I feel like I can be someone better. Some things still pinch inside, some memories still make me laugh a little. I still remember some friends who probably don't remember me. I'm starting to realize that that's ok. It's those little qualities that make us who we are. As for the experiences, they make us stronger and we should never regret.

Sometimes I wonder if I was born to accomplish bigger and better things.

Sometimes I wonder why I ever lowered my own standards just to meet someone else's.

I truly believe that true, real, unconditional love exists. I know it's there because I've felt it, at least for a moment if not more, even in the worst relationship that I could have possibly been in.

Take a risk and do something that you are passionate about, even though it may seem overwhelming. Your happiness shouldn't depend on anyone else's. You are limitless.

2011-09-20T12:43:00.003+08:00

And you may not think that I care for you, well you know down inside that I really do

2011-09-20T12:34:00.002+08:00

Would yu ever be my would yu be my fucking boyfriend

Magic in my ears

2011-09-19T15:08:00.002+08:00

"Dancing is very important to me. Actually dancing is my life, but as far as dancing goes..I'd be dead if I don't dance. I seriously, I could get really depressed and the only thing that can get me out of depression or get me out of my head or anything like that is when I get with people and I dance, and I'm okay. It's a very spiritual thing for me." - Britney Spears.

2011-09-19T14:28:00.001+08:00

I think about the little things that make life great. Hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by.

2011-09-18T16:42:00.000+08:00

Haven't been able to get on the laptop the last couple of days so here's to Faris and I, we turned 2, three days ago and we still got a long way to go.

Sometimes I feel I don't tell him how much I really appreciate him being in my life and I take for granted that he is always there for me. But I know that every time I see him, his face, his familiar face that my eyes know, I am saying thank you. I am saying thank you with every glance into those kind, mischievous, understanding eyes. I am saying it when our palms touch and our fingers interconnect. When we fight and yell and slam things around thinking "I love you but if I have to be around you one more second I'm going to do you bodily harm" and then look at each other, short of breath with tired eyes of forgiveness and smile wearily. I say it through a shrug of the shoulders. A raised eyebrow. A laugh. A scrunched nose.

Thank you. Thank you for being mine. For not being an asshole (most of the time). For letting me in. For wanting me as much as I want you. For needing me as much as I need you. Thank you for you. And for me. And for you and me being here, together.

Love isn't perfect, we all have our bad days, drive each other fucking crazy and have disagreements over the littlest things. But Thank you Allah for letting me meet a boy who is kind, fun, smart, someone I enjoy hanging out with. I love him very much and he loves me as well. Thank you Allah for showing me the good, bad and ugly and opening my eyes, saving me, us, in Your own special ways.

2011-09-14T10:05:00.002+08:00

Next on my wishlist....

2011-09-13T16:07:00.000+08:00

So.... blogger has a new layout. And I...have fixed my laptop's crappy internet connection!

Here are pictures from my birthday:

My family sent me the bouquet and birthday balloon. Glad it was my first birthday surprise this year.

Hahaha ok yeah so the pictures are of the cakes because they were so good!! Both cakes were two of my favourite flavours..the Princess cake which we had with the immediate family was carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and the second cake which we had together the extended family was red velvet. By far the best birthday cakes I've had hehe.

We went to Ulta today to get makeup and my top three favourite products from the loot is

1) Urban Decay Book of Shadows

2) NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Slate

3) Revlon ColorStay Aqua Mineral Powder

And the bottom two products are

1) Hair Poufs in Brunette

2) The speaker which comes with UD's Book of Shadows hahahaha

Okay that's about it. I'm pretty exited for the week long trip to California; Six Flags, The Grand Canyon!! And of course, to head home after that :) As much as I like it here, I can't help but miss my REAL life, being busy....coming home to my room and my baby brother.

2011-09-12T12:27:00.003+08:00

I have things to blog about but my laptop is giving me problems so i cant load the photos from my camera :( been tryng to troubleshoot the damn thing all day but it isnt working aghbhdbjnhbcndkndbhcbhd so frustrating!!!!

I had a pretty birthday celebration here with pretty birthday cakes, pretty birthday gifts, pretty birthday cards and pretty birthday flowers. Thanks everyone who remembered my birthday.

Never too old to be a Princess..........

2011-09-07T09:17:00.004+08:00

Putting yourself out on a limb makes yu stronger and more confident. Only yu can change, there is nothing external that will initiate the process. I choose my thoughts, I choose my behaviors, I choose my proactivity. No one else can change these things.

2011-09-07T08:59:00.002+08:00

If I have learnt anything through this, it’s that the world is not perfect. But Allah has His ways of showing his magic.

2011-09-03T00:45:00.002+08:00

Juli Baker: I guess it's something about his eyes or maybe his smile.
Richard Baker: And what about him?
Juli Baker: What?
Richard Baker: You have to look at the whole landscape.
Juli Baker: What does that mean?
Richard Baker: A painting is more then the sum of it's parts. A cow by itself is just A cow. A meadow by itself is just grass, flowers. And the sun picking through the trees, is just a beam of light. But you put them all together and it can be magic.

Most people are less than the sum of their parts.

2011-09-01T17:11:00.003+08:00

We did our Solat Aidilfitri at the Glendale Civic Center in Phoenix on the first day of Hari Raya. It was an eye opener, seeing all the different cultures and being in that environment. After we did our solat we headed to Fine Foods to get cookies and back to the house to change and have lunch. And then we headed out to Ross and Target to shop and get Solarcaine for my heat rash :'(

And Olive Garden for dinner, the portions were so huge those were our leftover pasta and dessert.

2011-08-30T16:44:00.002+08:00

It's 2am, we're getting up in 4 hours for Eid Prayers. Selamat Hari Raya to all my Muslim family and friends in Singapore, celebrate and have a blast! xx

2011-08-30T06:45:00.003+08:00

Been in and out of sleep and we keep forgetting the time. Maisara and Rasheed went off to school this morning and we needed to get adapters for our chargers so we dropped by Target today.

2011-08-29T05:26:00.004+08:00

At San Francisco airport now waiting for our flight to Arizona, I woke up in the middle of the flight from Tokyo-Narita to SF and found my leggings torn :'( But anyway, so far so good. This break looks very refreshing. Anyone missing me yet???

2011-08-26T00:09:00.003+08:00

I'm happier today because I spent it with 3 wonderful things in my life. My bestfriendforever Nooraisha, My boyfriend Faris Ashraf and my..makeup.

Thinking about Sunday makes me :'( quite a bit though.

Multimedia message

2011-08-25T12:54:00.001+08:00

Stuck in the middle of nowhere

2011-08-23T18:28:00.005+08:00

Today I spent my day watching xsparkage on youtube and playing with my make up.

I did two looks in 15 minutes each which I think...failed haha but yu know it was fun trying.

1) Barbie After Midnight (I think my pink here was too dark, I should have used a lighter shade)

2) Electro Pop (and I should have used another shade of blue too it doesn't really....POP the way I meant for it to)

What do yu guys think?

2011-08-22T17:37:00.000+08:00

Posting this via my blackberry. I am packing my luggage rn and feeling real shitty shitty shitty.

2011-08-22T15:11:00.000+08:00

Leslie: No, not love. Love is a guessing game. And that's the beauty of it, there's no guarantee. It's like diving into a pool of water without knowing if it's shallow or deep. Sure if it's shallow you end up hurt and paralysed from the neck down. But if it's deep... It's like throwing yourself out there without any guarantees. You know, that's what life's about! Ok, you know these carnival games? And you know how some of them are super easy and others of them are really hard to win?

Christopher: Sure.

Leslie: Well that's the difference between love and sex. Sex is the game where everyone wins a little price, and no one goes home loser. And love is the game that's really hard to win. But if you do, and you gonna take home that life size dinosaur, it feels so much better than taking home a shitty little plastic keychain.

2011-08-21T20:30:00.001+08:00

He was everything a young girl would fall for: mysterious, unattainable, older, good looking, and such a smooth talker. Being a young girl in secondary school, it didn't take me long before I couldn't get him off my mind, before I caught myself waiting by the phone for his text message, before I started changing myself to accommodate his expectations. He became my addiction, and I could not stop thinking about him.

2011-06-14T23:22:00.001+08:00

We're both young, our relationship is just starting, and depression is not an easy burden to bear. But I was wrong to doubt that boy. After everything that has happened, I realized I am in love with this person who is willing to take care of me through all the hardship life was throwing my way.

Things seemed to get worse. I realized my depression had wrapped itself around our relationship; any little thing he said or did could set me off. I cried myself to sleep almost every night, and I could sense his frustration when he could do nothing to comfort me while I was alone. It was so hard for me to separate my true feelings from the depression, and the confusion made our relationship almost unbearable.

Here we are and I’m not going to lie, things aren’t perfect. Just last week I was convinced we’d be better off apart, but the depression has died down and my self-awareness has made it so much easier to see the truth behind my sadness. Every day I am more and more grateful that he’s always been there for me, never once got upset to the point he would never come back or turned his back on me. He’s been patient and supportive and everything I could ask for in a boyfriend. I love him more than anything, and although there are more trials ahead of us and we may not last forever, I will always remember our time together and the kindness he’s shown me.

It is because of you, Faris, that I know what love is.

2011-05-20T22:15:00.001+08:00

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors
Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing
Funny, when you're dead how people start listening

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys
And I'll wear my pearls

2011-05-18T16:01:00.000+08:00

We were best friends, lovers, worst enemies, all rolled into one. There were times I would make yu so mad yu could scream, and yu did the same with me. We tested each other every day, just to see what our limits were. But there was one thing we both always knew..and that was we were going to spend our whole lives together. There wasn't a doubt in our minds. Yu were "the one". I knew no matter what happened or where life took us, yu would be the one I went to bed dreaming of, and woke up in the mornings wanting right next to me. Sure we had our fall outs, sometimes even our break ups. At the end of the day the only ones we wanted to be with was each other. Nobody could make me feel the way yu did. It's a feeling I can't ever explain. Yu made me laugh, even if I didn't want to smile. Yu made me feel like I could conquer the world when I was in your arms. That was my safe place, being in your arms was the only place I felt safe in the world.

2011-05-18T14:31:00.002+08:00

Things to do today

Schoolwork - Financial Management and AMPYC assignment left
Laundry/Dishes
My room

Threw out so much shit from my room yesterday - again. No matter how many times I throw things out they just keep building up. I'm a fucking hoarder. I need to keep myself busy. Faris is at his first day of work and I am alone at home. I am nervous for what the outcome may be in a week's time. May God be with me.

2011-05-18T14:14:00.001+08:00

❝ Realistically could we ever even be together? Where is the line between romantic and delusional? And how do you know when you’ve crossed said line? Do we live in the physical world that we can touch or do we live in the world we create in our minds? ❞

My Sassy Girl

2011-05-02T03:30:00.003+08:00

Yu and me, we grew up in the same neighbourhood. We never hung out because our neighbourhood groups never seemed to come together. I only knew you as one of the neighborhood boys, one of my brother's friends. It wasn’t until secondary school that I saw the way yu changed. I was the new girl and yu were my senior. I don’t know what it was. Your smile? Yu always had it on. Or how comfortable yu seemed when yu were hanging out with your friends during break? I used to look out my classroom window to watch yu drink from the watercooler, that way I could sneak glances at yu. But I wasn't slick. One time outside school, yu caught me staring and when our eyes met my heart skipped a beat and my cheeks burnt. But still, I never did anything. And yu never did anything. I was sure yu asking about me meant there was some interest. I'd dream that one day you were going to come up to me in school, in front of everyone, and ask me out. After that yu were my dream, I wanted it to be a dream. Yu and me, forever. The thing is we don't even know each other, but when I looked at yu I just wanted to be with yu and talk about all the things that are possible to talk about. I wanted to be in your arms and I wanted yu to see me and love me.

We can be each other's everything, like in my dreams. Because yu are everywhere in my dreams. When I have a good day, it is because yu were in my dream the night before. Let me be your dream. Let me be seen by yu. Let me be your everything.

2011-05-02T02:53:00.002+08:00

I've learnt from my mistakes. Sort of. And this seems like blog material, a little something for all the girls and the boys.

Girls. Never strain to analyze your boyfriend. Don't be suspicious over a knickknack, avoid holding on to him too tight, master your emotional breakdowns and never take him for granted. Stay the way yu were when yu first met each other and change for the better, think long-term and give away what yu would want in return.

I do not claim that they are all good, I just know that they are all not bad.

Boys, always text her back, she gets really frustrated if yu don’t. Don’t ever hang up on her without saying good-bye first, Faris has done it to me so many times and I get really pissed off and I go crazyyyy. Surprise her, she likes them. She’s only ticklish in some spots and sometime she isn’t ticklish at all. She’s a fighter haha. And if she’s quoting Taylor Swift, either you’re in really big trouble or you’re making her happy.

And when yu hug her, remember that yu are hugging the most beautiful girl in the world and that yu should always hug her back tighter. If she argues with yu, argue back. But give in to her sometimes cause she can be a real bitch when she wants to be. Don’t hurt her, that will be the worst thing that yu will ever do.

Yu have no idea how lucky yu are to call her yours. So cherish it. Yu have the honor of holding her hand. Yu have the privilege to kiss her when yu want. Yu have the ability to make her happy.

2011-05-02T02:30:00.002+08:00

I remember when we first started dating, everyone said it wasn't going to work out. No one believed that I would survive this kind of relationship. But still, here we are, yu and me together still. But I'm starting to get scared that at the same time we're not. That we're not the same people. That we have lost the spark.

We met in the strangest way, and our time together was simple and yet so incredible. The few months that we spent together were some of the happiest months of my life. Every time we had a date, I felt a kind of happiness that I can’t even explain; and every time you left I counted down the days until I would see yu again. I fell for yu after only knowing yu for a few days, and after that I just continued to fall. I loved the text messages yu would send me, telling me how beautiful I was and how much yu missed me. I loved the way yu smelled, I loved your eyes, and I loved your smile. Now I even love your friends because they are fun to be around; I look forward to seeing them almost as much as I look forward to seeing yu.

But these days we go through things that makes us both so vulnerable. And weak. And scared. But no one is really admitting it. Because mistakes like those aren't supposed to happen. Yu know that too.

I don't know how to tell yu. Tell yu that yu are the only boy in the world that can make me feel so happy and sad at the same time, tell yu how lost I feel when yu're not around, how jealous i get when I'm with yu that I swear I could hurt somebody. Tell yu that I am so in love with yu and the love we share, so happy that yu are the one I wake up to some days even though yu fucking take up so much space. Tell yu that when yu say cute things my whole body shivers, how when yu kiss me I forget to breathe sometimes, how I feel like a little girl when yu put my hair behind my ears, though I hate how I look with my hair that way. I dont know how to tell yu that I don't understand why yu love me.

2011-04-22T13:41:00.000+08:00

No one should have to dance backward all of their lives.

2011-04-18T01:28:00.002+08:00

Yu are beautiful, in every single way

2011-04-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

A lot of things don't get published here. I used to depend on my blog a lot as a space for me to write down anything and everything that has been going on with me. But I just don't feel the need to anymore. One of the reasons why is probably because there's Twitter. A quick and efficient way to update my happenings anytime anyplace. Also, I have to be careful what I put on the internet. I've realized, after talking to an old friend of mine, that it seems to him I have it real easy. And let me tell yu, that is not true. Like I've mentioned, a lot of things don't get published here and the things that I really mean from the bottom of my heart is somewhere else, safe.

2011-04-10T10:48:00.001+08:00

2011-04-09T01:05:00.002+08:00

Selling the tribal bodycon for 25 and the bow back for 30 (cause I only wore it like 2 or 3 times). Retail price was 60 each, both from Topshop so if yu want text me ok ok ok 9652-0947

2011-04-05T17:06:00.000+08:00

2011-04-05T16:48:00.001+08:00

She's a Goddess.

2011-04-05T16:34:00.000+08:00

2011-04-05T16:14:00.002+08:00

Sometimes you just gotta trust, you gotta take that leap and let go. Gotta let go.-Britney Spears

2011-04-05T15:50:00.002+08:00

I miss the innocent Britney like everyone else but I will always love her forever till the day I die

2011-04-03T23:39:00.002+08:00

Haven't been blogging and it is not because of anything else, I am just plain lazy. Yu know it is hard to blog when the one thing that yu want to blog about most, might as well be taboo.

I am blogging tonight not because I want to, but just because I need a space to rant. And a hundred and forty characters on Twitter is not sufficient and I refuse to succumb to flooding my followers' timeline because personally I get annoyed by people who do that. Even though I am fully aware it is their space to rant and if I am one of the followers I would have to deal with that..........anyway.

I'm upset tonight,it hurts on the inside. I need explanations and answers not from anybody else but from myself. What have I gotten myself into? My inner voice, my dreams they are always throwing me hints, telling me things that I should believe but why do I still live in denial? Because when yu love somebody that much, yu want the best for them if they wanted the moon, yu'd get it just for them. Yu try to be perfect try and do everything right but when yu slip for just one moment or when yu tell yourself "Maybe I should start trusting him more" everything just crumbles back down. Why does it take one small nudge to break something that I've worked so hard to keep standing? Yu try to be the best but they keep pushing yu away, they only want yu for the wrong reasons. And yu find out that yu are not all that they want, if it's possible - through any way, they want more. I have been through heartbreaks I have been cheated on, lied to in the face - and I promised that I would be so careful with the people I give my love to just so that I don't ever feel like that again. But tell me what happens when the one person that yu love just won't love yu back the way yu want them to? Tell me what happens if your best is not good enough, tell me what happens when the person yu give everything to looks forward to seeing strangers they don't even know instead of yu. Because I really don't know what happens then.

I guess it's been too long I have to start accepting the facts. It will never be as dreamy as it was before.

Well I can't explain why it's not enough

Cause I gave it all to you

And if you leave me now

Oh just leave me now

It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender

It's been too long pretending

There's no use in trying

When the pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit anymore

Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel

Cause I've tried, yes I've tried

Still I don't know why

No I don't know why

2011-03-22T00:34:00.001+08:00

Tell me what yu know about dreamin dreamin
yu don't really know about nothin nothin
tell me what yu know about them night terrors every night
5 am, cold sweats wakin up to the skies

2011-03-18T01:01:00.001+08:00

2011-03-18T00:28:00.001+08:00

Training was a lot better today. I'm all hyped up for next week. It's gonna be good!!

2011-03-18T00:25:00.003+08:00

Yu don't have to like me, I'm not a Facebook status. And I definitely do not owe yu an explanation for everything on my blog. It's public so yu take what yu want from it and if yu want to hold it against me then fine because...haters gonna hate.

2011-03-14T00:19:00.003+08:00

12:22am it is already Monday and the beginning of a whole new week. Aiman is asleep on my bed and my parents are out on a date and won't be back till 2 in the morning or something.

It was a total Slacker Sunday for me, I just lazed around didn't do anything much - partly because I'm lazy like that and partly because I had those massive cramps from my period. So I was mostly grumpy/cranky feeling fat the whole day except - got myself this wristlet from the Coach Poppy line and I feel better already.

ive alw admired how you and faris can go thru a rough patch, go separate ways, then talk things out and end up tgth again. hw dyou do that, honestly? i'd rly like to knw bcs i think nt everyone is capable of that! :)

Aw I appreciate it, but we actually do more than talk things out - we scream/shout, ignore each other..and then somehow get back together. I guess when yu find the right person, the one person yu can't live without, everything will just fall back into place naturally. There are definitely times where we hate each other's guts but for myself, nothing else really compares to being with him.

do you smoke?

Yes

2011-03-11T02:59:00.001+08:00

Started my week off perfectly but tonight ended that. I try and keep things going, but they end up falling off in the end...is it me?

2011-03-09T01:29:00.004+08:00

Can't really blog about the things that I really want to blog about anymore these days, so twitter is my haven for the time being. See yu guys there? :)

And I have answered the questions on formspring could yu guys just hop over there instead of me posting it up here because...I can't wait to start watching my Desperate Housewives BYE!

twitter.com/trudybox
formspring.me/trudybox

2011-03-07T14:10:00.001+08:00

2011-03-02T21:43:00.000+08:00

want>need, got-to-have-it

2011-03-02T13:53:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there was a Candy and Dan... Things were very hot that year... All the wax was melting on the trees... He would climb balconies, climb everywhere. Do anything for her... Oh Danny boy. Thousands of birds. The tiniest birds adorned her hair... Everything was golden... One night the bed caught fire... He was handsome, and a very good criminal... We lived on sunlight and chocolate bars... It was the afternoon of extravagant delight -Candy (2006)

2011-03-01T20:40:00.004+08:00

If the Internet and TV didn't exist, what would you spend most of your time doing?
Get high, mmm work? Earn lots of cash to buy things

I followed u on twitter but u did not follow me back
Oh

trudy i dont know what to do, my boyfriend's parents hate me and want me dead (race problem) and we've been dating "secretly" for more than a year ...should i give up? or press on? he is worth it. but im frustrated that i cant be a proper gf; eg: can't accompany him to book in army bc his parents are sending him also

I feel yu baby, trust me I KNOW HOW THAT FEELS. Don't worry sweetie. If he's worth it, yu should stick with him like glue. And there is more to being a girlfriend than accompanying your boyfriend to book into army. There really isn't a definition to a perfect girlfriend so do what yu can and what yu feel shows your love for him. Goodluck dear and cheer up :)

2011-03-01T20:40:00.003+08:00

Love dance, love my girlies. Well done lovelies.

2011-02-25T23:12:00.001+08:00

Ok really sorry for keeping on asking. but a few people said, he masuk. but where to? :/
Ah it's not my place to say. Sorry. Wherever he may be, we keep our prayers with him for his well-being.

Well Wishes

2011-02-25T22:50:00.000+08:00

2011-02-25T20:56:00.001+08:00

Yu don't have to be ashamed
'Cause yu're a miracle through and through

You do know him. I saw you commented on his wall etc. You dont have to lie if you dont wanna tell. Its ok then, have a good day!
Hahaha I finally figured who yu're talking about. He's fine :)

2011-02-23T22:48:00.003+08:00

TRUDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY :D
HEYYYYYYYY
You dont know him? He's Faris and Elyas's friend. Huh?
Yu sure? Cause mm nop I don't.
Ahmad Ashraf.
Who in the world is that?

2011-02-23T22:44:00.004+08:00

FINALLYYYYYYYYYY, thank yu thank yu thank yu Britney I loveeeeee yu. Been waiting for this since forever. I absolutely love how she has bits and pieces of her old music videos in this one, now that's just genius ain't it bitches

Hold It Against Me
tuffghostevan:

It symbolizes her rise, fall, and comeback

She hits the earth like a meteor symbolizing the immediate and record-breaking success of her first record

She is immediately surrounded by managers, make-up artists, publicists, record-executives ect. They are putting on their clothes which symbolizes how perverse and sick-minded Hollywood people are, but they have to tone it down a little bit because they are working with a minor (Britney was 16 when she first started). They make her put on make up/perfume because they want her to change her image into a glammed up girl and leave behind who she really is. Meanwhile, there are camera flashes showing her fame.

The girl in media room represents her career. The wedding dress represents her purity and a perfect image that she had in the beginning of her career.

The blind people represent the general public who are blind because they don’t see her for who she really is. In the beginning of her career, the general public builds her up to the top while she creates her original music videos, represented by her rising up surrounded by them.

She feels lonely and looks for love, because she isn’t getting any being famous… This is symbolized by her finding someone who looks like Kevin Federline on a dating site. Finding him through the internet represents that she has nobody in her life who loves her, so she goes out to find someone… the internet dating site also represents how she found someone just by the cover, and can only see whatever he puts in his online profile, or whatever he “wants” her to see.

Then she starts fighting herself. This represents how she had to fight her own insecurities, hardships, and how she didn’t know who she was. The red Britney is constantly seen in front of microphones, and is the “famous Britney.” She is depicted as being evil. The green Britney is the Britney that she thinks she is. In more detail, you see them fighting but eventually the green Britney strangles the red Britney, or the one that was changed by fame and has a more-evil image.

Paint starts to come out of her fingers right as she fights herself. This occurs simultaneously because it is showing how her personal struggles affected her career. The paint gets all over her old videos — ruining her reputation, ruining her career, making people affiliate her with the messiness of her personal life rather than her great pop art.

If you look close, she has a creepily-large smile, almost like the joker. This represents that she tries to fake her happiness in her career but it starts to become obviously over-faked. It doesn’t look natural. When she pretends like shes happy, people know she really isn’t because they see the problems in her personal life.

The blind people (general public) come out from underneath her…. representing that the general public stopped supporting her. She falls to the bottom of the media room representing her fall in her career.

Instead of dying, she gets up and starts to dance again, representing that she didn’t give up and continued to work hard to get herself back on track. The two Britney’s that got in a fight with each other stop fighting and she starts rising to the top again in the media room. It takes a lot out of her, but she continues to arise to be the queen of pop once more! The paint is still on her dress and on the videos, representing that the mistakes she made will not go away, and she will never be able to have that “perfect/pure” image again but she still rises.

The question mark at the end represents’ “Who knows what will happen next? The next chapter in Britney’s epic career is just unfolding.”

Kiddoz

2011-02-23T21:54:00.003+08:00

I'm gonna wake up at 7 and have breakfast and go to Yew Tee pay off my bills and then whack my last 5 hours of attachment should I get my kids a little something something? I'm gonna miss them as much as I dread the long hours.

Yesterday was one of the best weekdays I've had in such a long time. Ah babes yu make me dizzy hehe

2011-02-23T21:21:00.001+08:00

Caught up on my Desperate Housewives last night when I really should be studying and it felt really good.

2011-02-23T21:10:00.001+08:00

Yknow, I used to date AA. I know you are close with him. May I know what happened to him? :(
Who?

2011-02-23T20:55:00.003+08:00

2011-02-19T01:58:00.002+08:00

ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONZZZ

I've answered all your questions but I'm too lazy to put them up here sorry! So yu can go check them out there.

2011-02-16T12:16:00.000+08:00

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be

Stop and stare
Yu start to wonder why yu're here not there
And yu'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what yu really need
Can yu see what I see?

2011-02-05T23:17:00.002+08:00

The Maine - RIGHT GIRL

Got caught running up the tab, couldn't drive home so I had to share a cab
Introduce herself by her last name, the kind of girl you steal from the football team
Brought up the silverspoon mess, always trying to tear off her catholic dress
Told me she's over this place, needs to feel the midwest wind in her face
But the alcohol made it's way down
She was the last thing that I saw last night before I hit the ground

Oh god I did the wrong thing to a right girl
My mind was only in it for a minute
Had a bad fling with a good girl
I was stupid, and dumb, not giving a fuck
The blank stare, out the window
If I could just sober up I could just admit
I did the wrong thing, to the right girl
It was your world baby and I just lived in it
It was your world baby and I just lived in it

I've never been the best with my mouth
Trying to stay smart but the dumb comes out
Maybe I'm shy, drive an old car
Maybe I'm amazed that I got this far
And I got my stand-bys waiting on the line
But the hardest part is knowing that it won't be her this time

Please, please, baby come back
Please, please, baby come back
Please, please, baby come back
Please, please, baby come back

She came back, thought she had it all planned out
Went to marry some guy she had talked about
A tear in her dress and a tear in her eye
And just like that her whole life flashed by
She won't remember what you said last night (what you said last night)
That if you ever needed someone to pick up the pieces in your life

2011-02-05T19:43:00.001+08:00

Adele - SOMEONE LIKE YOU

I heard that your settled down.
That you found a girl and your married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
It ain’t like you to hold back or hide from the lie

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it.
I hoped you’d see my face & that you’d be reminded,
That for me, it isn’t over.

Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah.

2011-02-01T03:22:00.002+08:00

Yu have my attention
Like yu’ve had all the while,
Since that first day when yu made my heart smile,
With loving eyes and tired sighs that follow.

I’ll sing along
the whole night through.
While you sleep safely,
I’ll be thinking about yu.

Yu have my attention.

2011-01-31T15:53:00.002+08:00

Nooraisha Osman, yu are my best friend for life and I may not have told yu but I am very very very proud of who yu are today too. I am lucky to have found a friendship so real with yu and I got a feeling that is the way it's going to stay for a very long time.

We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.